DEATH & TRANSFORMATION

My Mother is Dying

My mother is in the process of dying. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. She did not want to be kept alive artificially, so her wishes are being honored. We are dealing with it relatively well, except for my father. Please pray for him especially. Tonight, I am resting at home while he stays with her through the night at the hospital. My brothers, father and aunt and I are staying with her in shifts until her time comes. Hope you and your loved ones are well. Many blessings to you all.

When all of her doctors talked with us, they all agreed that there was no hope for her recovery. She was dying despite the life support measures in place at that time, only more slowly. It was only extending her misery. So, they said we should make a decision about life support. We got together and discussed it. At some point in time over the last couple of years, she told each of us, including my aunt, that she did not want to be kept alive on life support. We did not want to make her miserable when it only extended her life by a few more days at most.

So, they pulled the plug. The only measures taken at this point are the administration of pain medication.

Even though we knew we were making the right decision, as we have watched her dying process, we began to second guess ourselves and feel a little guilty. What if the doctors were wrong and she could make a complete recovery?  I mentioned this nagging doubt to a friend of mine who prayed that we would find peace with our decision. Not long after she prayed, I googled "the stages of death." And what I discovered lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders, and I hope the rest of my family as well.

My discovery was that mom's dying process began more than a month and a half ago, before she ever went into the hospital. Continuous sleeping, not interested in eating or drinking, hallucinations, disinterest in things that had interested her, and various other symptoms I did not know about. She was experiencing these symptoms long before she went into the hospital. I was worried about these symptoms, but I thought it was just that she was getting older. I had no idea they were the symptoms of the dying process. So this information has really helped me to realize we did make the right decision.

Several of my aunts and uncles are coming down on us hard about this. Especially on my dad, because like wild animals, I suppose they sense he is weak right now. He's really torn up about it and I pray he too can find some comfort.  One thing I am learning about this is as soon as I reach a point I can think clearly about it, I'm going to do a living will. So my wishes are known ahead of time. So I am making the decision myself. And no family member will experience the guilt and second-guessing that we have been feeling the last couple of days.

Mom has been suffering for years. Truly suffering. And allowing her to go on to wherever the spirit wanders after death, is an act of mercy. I have cried and still do. But in all honesty, I'm crying for myself, crying because I will miss her terribly. My heart aches to see her go. But soon, she will be free from all the pain and misery in which she had been living.

From Lady Hawke's Blog (Laura Lawless)