C A T

Sharon Stone, at 54 yrs, posing with NYC fire fighters Nov. 30, 2012 !!!!

Here’s a list of the top 10 things I have learned from my cat:

Prepare to pounce. When you zero in on your target get low to the ground (or in human terms do your hair and put on high heels). Stalk slowly towards them from an unanticipated direction. Then proceed quickly with a toss of your hair, direct eye contact, and a touch on the arm. Do not let anything distract you, not even cheesecake. Pounce.

Never underestimate the power of playing hard to get. Sophie has this way of letting you pet her that makes you think for a split second that she cares about you. Just when you think it’s got to be love, she flips that fanny and walks away. She never looks back, ever. Try it next time you’re at a party.

Be coy. Once you have successfully accomplished number two, circle back after an appropriate amount of time. Set yourself just beyond reach of your enamored target, where they can almost but not quite pet you. Razzle Dazzle ‘em kiddo.

Learn how to hiss nonviolently. Sophia opens her mouth and hisses without actually making any sound. It’s a very effective way of saying, “back off Buster” without actually causing too much drama. I've tried this technique in relationships. It surprisingly diffuses any argument that could happen.

Crossing your paws slowly can be very sexy. Channel your inner Sharon Stone.

Leave your scent everywhere. “I’m sorry did I leave my thigh high at the end of your bed frame? Oops. Silly me.”

As a general rule, if you have a hairball hide it. For us, this equates to all things non-glamorous: snotty tissues, waxing strips, tampons, vomit, etc. Don’t leave that stuff on the top of the trash. Bury it.

Purr questionably. Confuse your victim by purring, blindside them with a kiss, and then bite them hard. Love hurts. Then, once again flip the fanny and walk away.

Try new things to keep it fresh. Do you know what it feels like to get up randomly from the bed, run wildly from one end of your home to the other, then calmly walk across the floor back into bed? Have you ever tried sleeping in the bathtub? When is the last time you threw some of your houseplant greens into the lettuce mix? Be inventive and explorative; let your inner tiger out. Worst case scenario—you end up with a hairball (see 7).

Groom yourself in public settings. Never be scared to put on your lipstick at the dinner table. I’ve had men ask for my hand in marriage with this little gem. I’m still working on the leg behind the head thing though.

by Santee Featherarms

September 21, 2012

Santee, that is a sexy piece you wrote! Seduction. You got it down to an art form! I know I've been the subject, the target of the feline genius. It is how my second son came into this world. One of the greatest joys of  my life: being seduced.- Gregory (1.25.13)

Santee FeatherarmsSEX AND GOD